How do I live? SongFic - Roman Reigns x Reader
by ReignMyWorld
Summary: You had just recently lost you mother, trying to somehow make it through life without her. You would be lost if it wasn't for your boyfriend Joe, who helps you through one of the hardest times you had to go through, being your rock in a stormy sea, that you so urgently needed.


Notes:

Warnings: mentions of death, angst, fluff, hurt, comfort

Pairing: Joe Anoa'i x Reader

Note: This has been a request on Tumblr

Originally published here: post/170901145811/how-do-i-live-songfic-roman-reigns-x-reader

How do I live? - LeAnn Rimes

The song used for this SongFic was How do I live? by LeAnn Rimes. Since I'm not allowed to post the lyrics here, please look them up accordingly. :-)

You were sitting on the couch, eyes focusing on the television while silent tears were running down your cheeks. There was a sad smile on your face when you were watching a beautiful woman holding her daughter's hand while walking along the beach before she put her up, kissing her tiny head and cuddling her close to her body. You remembered that day as if it was yesterday. It was one of the first vacations you could remember and your family was traveling to a beautiful beach house for three weeks in the summer. This was your last day of vacation and your mother was walking along with you as your father was recording the beautiful scenery. When your mother lifted you up, she placed a soft little kiss on your forehead as she whispered: „Whenever you're feeling sad think about this beautiful place my little angel. It's here where we left our footprints lust like everything leaves tracks in our hearts - everything we experience, every person we meet. Everything happens for a reason and no matter how hard and dark life seems to be at times, at the end of the day there will be a time where everything will turn bright again. I love you and I will always do so. And if times seem to be the darkest shades of black, always remember that I'm always there for you no matter what - even if you can't see me."

„Even if you can't see me", you whispered, crying harder than just minutes before. Your mother was the light of your life. She was the person that was always there for you, the one you could always depend on, the one you could call in the middle of the night when you felt the need to talk. She was the strongest person you've ever known and when you were a little child you always wanted to be like her. She was your hero, your rock in a stormy sea. And now she was gone. You still couldn't believe it, it all felt so surreal. One day she was still by your side and the next she was gone. You missed her terribly. And while watching the old recording it pained you even more to know that she was already sick back then, suffering from cancer that had weakened her body day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year until she was too weak to fight and had close her eyes forever, leaving you back in this cruel world.

You had no idea how long you had been sitting on the couch, staring at the television, being completely surrounded by your pain while missing the one that had taught you everything and that had loved you with all her heart. You couldn't even count the minutes you were sitting there, being completely trapped in your endless pain and agony until you realized that your boyfriend had entered the room. You looked up at him and found him peeking at the television, his eyes glistening with tears as well. Joe moved over to you before he sat down next to you, pulling you in his arms. He didn't even have to say a word, he just held you while you were crying against his chest, crying out all the pain you were feeling while you clung on to him like he was the only anchor in a sea that was moved by pain and endless grief. You couldn't tell him enough how much you needed him, but you were sure that he knew that he was your safe haven, your shelter from anything surrounding you. Next to your mother, that you had lost so tragically, he was the one person you could not live without. What you didn't know was that his heart was breaking for you. If he could have taken all of the pain away from you, he would have done so within the blink of an eye.

You couldn't even tell how long he was holding you, how long you were clinging on to him, but the gentle touch on the back of your head while he softly rubbed his hand over it, his soothing words, they all helped you to calm bit by bit. When Joe noticed that you stopped crying, he made you look up at him as he carefully asked: "Are you feeling a little bit better sweetheart?" You were nodding your head as you whispered: "A little bit yes. But I miss her so damn much. Sometimes I don't even know how I should go on without her." He kissed you carefully on your forehead before he answered: "I can only imagine babe. The really terrible thing is that our mothers teach us everything we know. They teach us how to get through life, what we have to learn and they are the ones, we know we can rely on no matter what. But the one thing they don't teach us, the one thing they can't teach us, is how we should live without them once they are gone." You had to tear up once again because you knew how right he was. He was gently whipping your tears away, still holding you close as you whispered: "That is so damn true. There is so much I wanted to tell her, you know? So much I wanted to do with her. I wanted her to be at my wedding, should I marry one day. I wanted her to be the best friend to my child like she had been to me, should I be a mother someday. I wanted her to die peaceful in her sleep one day but not due to a deadly disease but because of high age. And all that is gone. I can experience nothing like that with her."

By now you were sobbing again before you added: "I hope that I made her proud at least." Joe was holding you close as he answered: "Baby you were everything to her, just like you are everything to me. She loved you with all her heart and she was always proud of you, no matter what you did. You want to know a little secret?" You peeked up at him, nodding your head lightly, so he told you: "When you first introduced me to her all those years ago, she waited for the perfect moment when you went to help your dad in the garden to pull me over. I still remember every word she said. She told me that you were her one and only and that she wanted just the best for you. I have never been more impressed than in that moment when she made me promise her that I would make you happy no matter what. She wanted to know if I truly loved you and that was an easy question because there is no other person I would want to spend my life with than with you. And she made me promise that I would be there for you, especially in those hard times after she would be gone. I have never met a more amazing woman than your mum, except of you of course Y/N. And I can assure you that you are so much like her, you made her proud, not only in this lifetime but also the next."

There was a tiny smile appearing on your lips as you whispered: "That sounds absolutely like her. I'm sorry that she put that burden on you when you just met her for the first time." Joe had to laugh as he answered: "I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. At least I know that a future son in law would get the same treatment from you." You loved him, you really did. No matter how dark your day was and no matter how low you were feeling, Joe always managed to make you feel better by his sheer presence. And it were statements like that helping you that even the darkest of skies seemed to let through a little bit of light again. "You know that I love you right? And that I don't know how I should live without you?", you mumbled as you were gently stroking over his cheek with him catching your hand in order to place a soft kiss in your palm as he answered: "It's me who wouldn't know what I should do without you babe. I love you more than words can say and seeing you suffering so much hurts more than I can express. I wish I could do so much more for you than just being here. I wish that I could take every single pain and agony that you are feeling away. But I can't."

You saw the sadness in his eyes, making you love him even more, although you thought that this would never be possible. "You being here, you being by my side, you loving me is more than I can ask for and more than I have ever wished.", you whispered before you kissed him slowly. He pulled you on top of him, lying down on the couch, you being trapped between his legs as he gently caressed your neck while he deepened the kiss. You let your hand slide under his shirt, softly tracing your fingertips over his defined chest, just enjoying his company. Being here with Joe, the man you loved more than your own life, was everything you needed right now - well that was not quite right. Everything you could have asked for and could have gotten was more accurate. Of course he couldn't replace that special bond that you and your mother had, but knowing that he was there and that he would stay by your side, love and protect you, was all you ever wished for.

When you broke apart you laid your head on his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart, his hand traveling up and down your back while his other was resting on your lower back. You felt how his closeness helped you to find some kind of inner peace before you felt how you drifted away in some dreamless sleep that your mind was aching for. You didn't know how long you had been sleeping on top of him with Joe holding you close, but as you woke up again you realized how much it had calmed you indeed. You peeked at your boyfriend, who was still snoring peacefully under you and you couldn't help but study his face. You owed him so much and you knew that you could make it through life somehow as long as he was by your side. "You look at me as if I wasn't from this world", you could hear Joe's sleep deprived voice, noticing the little smile on his face as he was capturing your gaze with his. You had to giggle at his words as you answered: "Maybe you aren't, who knows? Sometimes it feels too good to be true, having you by my side, knowing that you will keep me safe from anything in this world." He was gently cupping your cheek before he placed a soft kiss on your lips, whispering: "Baby, if someone has to question his luck, then it's me. I love you and I couldn't do without you. And if I could only carry part of the things you have to go through, I would right away."

"I know and I can't tell you how grateful I am for that", you mumbled, softly tracing your fingertips over his jawline. You couldn't even tell why but just lying there in his arms, knowing that he loved you just as much as you loved him, knowing that he would be by your side for always, helped you to gather new hope. Of course no one and nothing could replace your mother or could take the pain of her passing away, but you knew that you could make it somehow with him by your side. You laid there like that for several more minutes until Joe moved under you, making you sit back up on the couch. As he was sitting next to you, he smiled at you as he said: "How about you rest for a little bit more baby while I prepare dinner for us? I'm pretty sure that you could need some time to re-charge and with a full belly the world seems to be a better place right away." You had to laugh at his words, leaning in to kiss him gently before you answered: "This sounds like a great plan to me. Thank you so much babe."

"Anytime and now sleep for a little bit. I'll come and get you once dinner is ready.", he winked at you before placing a soft kiss on your forehead and throwing a blanket over you once you had lied back down to the couch, before he disappeared and you could hear him roaming the kitchen. It didn't take long until you were fast asleep again, trying to lock out all of your pain and your sadness. You had no idea how long you had rested but you woke up due to Joe gently shaking your shoulder, whispering "Baby, dinner is ready." You sleepily smiled up at him, enjoying the feeling of his thumb gently stroking your cheek. You couldn't even express with words how much you loved that man. "What have you created?", you asked amused, feeling slightly better already with him replying: "Your favorite food. Now come on before it's getting too cold." You noticed that it smelled delicious and with a big smile on your face you grabbed Joe's hand, he held out for you to help you up. Not many people knew that he was in fact a fantastic cook and you had to promise him back when you started dating that you wouldn't tell anyone.

After having sat down at the dining table and having eaten the first few bits, you realized how much calmer you had gotten. Of course that pain was still there but at least it was slightly numbed as of now. "Thank you so much.", you said, smiling at your boyfriend before adding: "I mean for doing all of this to me." He smiled back at you, grabbed your hand and gently rubbed it, answering: "Anytime baby. I would do anything to make you feel better and I'm so sorry that I can't take your pain away."

"Having you here with me is more than I could ask for", you whispered, before you got up and moved over to him, so you could sit down on his lap, wrapping your hands around his neck and whispering: "You are a literal angel. I couldn't live without you. You have no idea how much I love you." With that you leaned down to him and kissed his lips gently while he placed his hands on your thighs, holding you close to him and responding to your kiss in an equally gentle manner. As you broke apart, Joe put a strain of hair behind your ear and said: "I love you too, Y/N. You remember how I have told you before about the things your mum had told me and wanted to know from me when I first met her?" You nodded your head, a smile spreading over your face because in moments like this, it just felt as if she was still alive. You could hear her laugh, could see the slight wrinkles in the corners of her eyes, and could hear her scolding voice that just wanted the best for you.

Joe locked eyes with yours as he continued: "I know that it might have been rushed but ever since I met you, I knew that you would be the one I want to grow old with. So on that day… well… I had asked your mum whether she would be okay with me marrying you one day." Your breath hitched as you looked at him in disbelief, wanting to know: "What did she say?" Joe had to laugh as he answered: "She said that it would be alright but that I would have to step my efforts up a little bit more to keep you happy if you are bound to me for the rest of your life." You had to laugh as well as this was typical for your mum. As you had calmed down a little bit, Joe wanted to know: "Would you?" You crooked an eyebrow, not really sure what he was talking about, hence why you asked: "Would I what?"

"Marry me?", he said with you chuckling: "Why? Are you proposing to me?" He placed a small kiss on your lips as he mumbled: "Unofficially. I mean if I do it, it has to be perfect. But I'm curious, would you?" You gently cupped his cheek, placing little kisses along his jawline as you answered: "Anytime, you just have to ask. You're the only one I need in my life to be happy and to feel complete." Joe smiled at you as he whispered amused: "Perfect, then we are unofficially engaged now." And before you were able to respond he sealed your lips with a longing kiss that you happily returned.


End file.
